My memories of my beloved mother-in-law by Raphael Engel

I remember the day I was going to be introduced to Susan Fisher-Clickner, back in 1996. I was then dating Jennifer, one of her daughters whom I had met in Seville. She had told me about her mother’s formidable career as an international mezzo-soprano, used to singing in front of huge audiences. This first day, I was expecting a commandeering voice and presence. It is an understatement to say that I was intimidated. And there came the surprise as I entered: her voice was soft, her tone almost timid. She was extremely friendly and modest, almost humble in tone. To my delight she adopted me rapidly as a member of the family.

I remember also sharing tables with her, in one of those beautiful restaurants we loved having family gatherings in. There, my vocal tone would sometimes stand in the way of the conversation. I was convinced this was due to my French accent, until one day she suggested teaching me how to “speak in my resonance”. And sure enough, the same day, I got the privilege of a private lesson by the maestro in person. She was patient, precise and caring in telling me where to resonate. We repeated these voice classes a few times. I was very aware to be privileged to be given lessons by a top performing artist and teacher. Never ever in any classroom have I listened so carefully as I did in these very moments!

And sure enough, during my next visit, no restaurant noise whatsoever would impede our exchanges. My accent remained, but the voice barrier was removed and our communication became fluid even in the midst of the noisiest circumstances.

She loved talking about her favorite composers and I was always impressed by the diversity of her taste and knowledge, ranging from Argentinian Tango to contemporary music, not to speak of course about the singing classical repertoire. Among the Argentinian composers, she had a passion for Gardel and Ginastera, whom I discovered thanks to her.

One day, near Boston, we were heading back towards her home and had to stop at a petrol station. Suddenly I heard shouting, “Susan, hello Susan !” I turn and see two young men with a bright smile, chitchatting to her with a vivid voice. Later Susan explained to me that these were two former students of hers. They had just graduated and were thanking her for her support. What students turn to their former teacher with such a spontaneous outburst of joy? Students who have found a mentor in their own teacher and a model whom they loved and respected, no doubt !

Her students remember the deep and genuine interest she showed in their lives. And so was she with me. Always curious to hear what film project I was working on back in Switzerland and keeping lists of her favorite documentaries and films she had compiled to share with me.

I am not sure I ever told her how much I admired her bravery and stamina for having raised on her own three beautiful and accomplished daughters and making at the same time a living, first as a performer, and then as a professor. This with a commuting distance of nearly 2 hours a day. I can’t even imagine the worries and concerns she will have gone through trying to make those two demanding poles of her life coexist …

Now every time I think of Susan, my mother-in-law, I can see her vividly in my inner eye. I can hear her voice. But she is no longer and will no longer be able to welcome us in her house. She let us know in her chosen poetry that we should not be sad thinking of her but should rejoice at the memories of time spent together. I will try, Susan, I will try.

- Raphael Engel